The Impact of Izzat on the Mental Health of South Asian American Women

Ever tried telling your parents that you’re not engaging in something because your therapist said so? It’s especially not easy when you’re South Asian and need to consider Izzat before making a life changing decision. 

Izzat is often equated to "honor" or "respect." However, it goes deeper than that. It’s about the honor and respect of the family. The notion of Izzat is complex, shaped by traditions, societal expectations, and collectivist cultural values. It influences how we are seen, treated, and expected to behave within our communities. Izzat is what people are talking about when they say “Log kya kahenge?” or “What will people say?” It’s a worry about how the individual’s decision will influence how others in society will perceive and judge the family. 

Due to patriarchal norms, Izzat is often most impacted by a woman's morality, chastity, and overarching behaviors. This has led to a long history of immense pressure placed on women to uphold Izzat, with the expectation that their actions will be a reflection of their character AND also their family and community’s characters.

Sometimes, this can limit a woman's freedom because her actions are seen as an extension of her family's moral standing. For example, consider you want to marry someone from outside of your culture. Have you spent copious amounts of time pondering what impact this will have on your family? What your community will think about this decision? How it might reflect back onto your parents? Maybe you're considering a career move. Have you ever limited your dreams based on the impact your decision would have on the family?

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"The tension between maintaining Izzat and pursuing personal autonomy is one of the defining struggles many South Asian women face."

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The tension between maintaining Izzat and pursuing personal autonomy is one of the defining struggles many South Asian women face. In the diaspora, this tension can become even more complicated. As discussed in my previous blog posts, we are raised with traditional values emphasizing family and societal honor AND, by virtue of growing up in multicultural societies, we are also exposed to different ways of thinking about individual identity, freedom, and expression.

The pressure to uphold Izzat can have a profound impact on mental health. The fear of disappointing one’s family or community can lead to feelings of isolation, anxiety, and depression. This is particularly true when family honor is threatened or perceived to be at risk. Women who defy traditional expectations may be stigmatized, ostracized, or made to feel unworthy. For example, a woman who experiences an unwanted pregnancy, or  goes through a divorce, may find herself in a situation where her Izzat—and by extension, her family's Izzat—is questioned. This can lead to public shaming, guilt, and a sense of failure that can be difficult to overcome.

In her book, “What Will People Say,” Sahaj Kaur Kohli, explores what it was like for her to share with her family that she had been sexually assaulted. In this experience she mentions the impact that her assault had on her family and the shame she felt related to this. While she was a victim of an attack, she was made to feel as though she could not speak about it to anyone in the community due to the impact it may have on their Izzat.

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"The fear of disappointing one’s family or community can lead to feelings of isolation, anxiety, and depression."

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Izzat can also hinder South Asian women from seeking out mental health services. Out of the fear that seeking professional help for mental health is a failure by the family and could bring shame to the family and ruin the family Izzat.

To move past the restrictions of Izzat, we need to be able to redefine it. Izzat, like the facets of our identity, is a social construct; something created over time and something that has shifted in meaning over time. Now, we must redefine it to include personal agency, empowerment and autonomy.

Many South Asian women are already challenging outdated norms and advocating for a more inclusive, progressive interpretation of Izzat. There is a growing recognition that a woman’s honor is her own to define, not something to be dictated by others. By re-envisioning Izzat as a source of empowerment rather than restriction, South Asian women are beginning to reclaim their own narratives and challenge the oppressive elements tied to traditional notions of honor. This can involve embracing diverse forms of success, whether in careers, relationships, or self-expression, without the fear of judgment. It is also about fostering open dialogue around topics like mental health, sexual autonomy, and the value of individuality.

South Asian American Women's Mental Health Resources

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