Straddling Bicultural Identities: Embracing Your Authentic Self

In previous posts, I discussed different facets of identity and shared my identities - being Canadian and Punjabi - and how sometimes these can be seen as polar opposites based on their individualistic or collectivistic tendencies. This leaves me (and many of you) having to negotiate between two cultures. Sometimes it leads us to believe that there are two versions of us, one for our friends/coworkers/schools and one for our families. Or it may feel like we don't really know who we are because we’re constantly code-switching to fit in with others. It can lead to a lot of confusion, and at times, feeling hopeless in our search for belonging, because it begins to feel as though we don't belong in either culture. 

So what’s the path forward? We strive for balance. In different theories of psychology, authenticity is viewed as a form of fulfillment or self-actualization, something to work towards to find inner peace. Authenticity comes from conscious self-awareness and self-acceptance. For many immigrants and children of immigrants, living an authentic life also comes with bicultural straddling. Bicultural straddling is defined as the ongoing process of adaptation resulting from living in two different cultures. Meaning, we have to balance the two cultures. 

How can I embrace my Bicultural Identity to become my Authentic Self?

Step 1: Self-Acceptance

The first step is to understand and accept that your identity does not neatly fit in any one box. Rather than seeing yourself as part this and part that, practice seeing yourself as a blend of both. You don’t have to choose one over the other — your identity is a culmination of experiences, traditions, values, and languages that shape who you are. You do not have to pick a side. Define yourself in a way that makes sense to you. 

Step 2: Balance

Next, let's talk about finding balance. Balancing two cultures often means navigating differing expectations from each culture. It’s important to clarify and define the values that are nearest and dearest to you, and make decisions based on them. Identify what values you hold dear from each culture and which aspects of each culture are essential to your identity. Identifying  these values will allow you to make decisions more confidently when you face cultural conflicts. Establishing these values will also allow you to begin developing a strong sense of self. A strong self-esteem will make you less dependent on the  approval of others. The more secure you feel in your personal identity, the less you will feel the need to conform.

---

Your identity is a culmination of experiences,

traditions, values, and languages...

---

One of the most challenging aspects of bicultural straddling is constantly adapting to different cultural expectations. Adapting without losing sight of your personal values can be tricky. Remember that values are neither morals, nor black and white rules about what one “should” or “should not” do. Values are our personal guiding principles and being adaptable doesn’t require compromising your authenticity. Striving for balance means comfortably shifting between cultural expectations, and staying true to your core values regardless of what social context you're in.

Step 3: Realistic Expectations

Then, set realistic expectations for yourself. Finding balance does not mean finding perfection. It does not mean you will meet the expectations of your traditional family members or White friends. What matters is that you maintain a healthy relationship with both sides, and with yourself. Your goal is to feel satisfied and fulfilled with how you identify and show up in the world, for yourself and for others.

As you work towards finding balance, remember that “straddling” refers to the idea of having to balance between two cultures and often not feeling like you fully belong to either one. And that is okay. At times, it may feel isolating, but there is a community of individuals who are experiencing this same issue. Seek them out and find connections with those who have shared experiences. During these times it’s also important to remember that identity is fluid. As the definition states, bicultural straddling is an on-going process. At different stages in your life, the influence that either culture has on your life will shift, and the values that are core to you may also shift. The values that each culture has provided you will vary in their importance over the years and that is okay! We are meant to be growing as humans and we are here to help you re-negotiate what those values look like as you transition through life!

Step 4: Self-Compassion

Lastly, practice self-compassion by giving yourself grace in this process. Finding and expressing your authentic self within your bicultural identity is an iterative process. Be patient with yourself as you understand and achieve the balance that works for you. Accept that it will be a difficult journey with tension.