Perfectionism and Mental Health in the South Asian Diaspora

It has become a cultural norm for South Asians to be high achievers. For many of us, it’s an expectation, as evidenced by the “doctor, lawyer, engineer” talk. Though it may seem like a good expectation to be held to, it has strong implications for our mental health. To understand why this expectation exists, we have to dive into history. South Asian immigration to the United States happened in three waves.

1st Wave: South Asian Labor Immigrants

The first wave was of labor immigrants between 1890 and 1920. During this time, immigrants had few rights. They were prohibited from owning land, gaining citizenship, sponsoring their families, or marrying American women.

2nd Wave: Birth of the Model Minority Myth

Immigration reform in 1965 allowed immigrants to have an increased number of rights, however, it also created a shift in that immigration laws gave preferential entry to college-educated and professionally qualified South Asians. The second wave of immigrants ultimately defined South Asians in America as high-achieving science professionals and helped create the model minority myth.

This myth is an idealized stereotype that portrays certain ethnic groups, particularly East and South Asians, as inherently successful, academically driven, and economically prosperous. The oppressor originally used the “model minority” myth to prove to African American communities that minority groups can excel and achieve the American dream if only they work hard enough. During this time, Asian immigrants were depicted as hardworking, obedient, and upwardly mobile, with an emphasis on academic and professional success. This portrayal served not only as a convenient stereotype but also as a tool for political and social agendas, obscuring systemic racism and economic inequality.

The immigrants who came in this wave, were hard working professionals; the best out of the best. They also lived with a fear of deportation and colonization so they kept their heads down and became "obedient."

"Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor." - Anne Lamott

3rd Wave: Perfectionism Persists

The third wave of immigration came with the Family Reunification Act in the 1980/90s which allowed anyone with ties to the United States to migrate to the country with due process. This is also when the model minority myth started becoming unrealistic.

While it may seem flattering on the surface, the myth erases the reality that not all South Asians experience the same levels of success or face the same opportunities. It oversimplifies the immigrant experience, ignoring factors such as socioeconomic background, access to education, and systemic barriers like discrimination. South Asia is home to a number of countries, religions, cultures, languages, and socio-economic backgrounds.

The model minority narrative homogenizes us (and other Asian communities), treating us like a monolithic group whose experiences are all the same. In reality, South Asians face a wide range of challenges, from issues of caste and class to experiences of discrimination and racism. The myth also overlooks the fact that not all South Asians come from a background of privilege or access to education. For some, the barriers to success are not merely personal but structural, shaped by systemic inequities such as immigration status, economic hardship, or language barriers.

However, the myth persists, especially among second-generation immigrants, and creates an immense amount of pressure to achieve high academic and career success. We fear that our failure would reflect poorly on our families. A sense of duty towards our family fuels this pressure to succeed. There is a sense of duty to our parents to make up for all they gave up in order to give us an opportunity at a better life in the Western world. There is also a sense of duty to provide for and take care of our parents in their retirement. All of these pressures compound and result in the belief that failure is simply not an option. There is no choice but to become a perfectionist and succeed.

How Perfectionism Erodes Mental Health

The narrative of perfectionism, reinforced by both the myth and family expectations, can have devastating effects on mental health. Students who fail to meet these unrealistic goals often feel a profound sense of guilt, shame, and disappointment. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, depression, and a fear of disappointing their families. Many also experience burn out; having to juggle schoolwork with extracurricular activities, part-time jobs, and familial expectations. On top of it all, the myth also indicates that struggles with mental health are not acceptable or that emotional vulnerabilities should be hidden.

How to Overcome Perfectionism

To counter the negative impacts of the model minority myth, it’s important to foster an inclusive and holistic view of success and identity within South Asian communities. Instead of defining success by narrow academic or professional benchmarks, we must learn to embrace imperfection and recognize that failure is not a reflection of personal inadequacy. Rather, failure is a part of the human experience. By cultivating a growth mindset we learn that making mistakes, or even failing, is part of the learning process and of discovering how to be “successful.”

"Use what talent you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best." - Henry Van Dyke

To begin developing a growth mindset, consider what has been discussed in previous posts from this series:

How strong is your sense of personal identity?
Is it fleshed out to include all that YOU value? Or is it mostly based on what you have been told to value by valued others?
In what ways have societal expectations shaped and helped you? And in what ways have societal expectations gotten in the way of living the life you wish to lead?
Are the choices you make based on the model minority myth, socio-cultural expectations, or the values that are true to your core being?
How would your life be different if you didn't have these expectations placed on you?

These are difficult questions to answer. Bodh Center for Wellness is here to help you find clarity so you can start leading a life that is true to your core values.