Building a Village to Raise your Child in Modern Times

In communities worldwide, towns are smaller, multiple generations of a family may live together, and people are more close knit. The United States used to be like that too, if you think back to the 1950s and 1960s, when neighbors kept an eye on each other’s kids playing in the backyard and conversation with your coffee shop barista was more than just a cursory “Hi, how are ya’.”

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While family systems and community networks were never perfect, the social systems and norms of yesteryear made child-rearing easier in some ways. Was it perhaps because the social fabric of community was stronger? In the modern 21st century, neighbors typically don’t impose on each other, it’s rare to see kids in backyards, it may be frowned upon to let your kid explore the outdoors without the presence of a hovering caregiver, families are more fragmented, paid childcare costs have skyrocketed, and the financial need to operate as a two-income household has blossomed. All this makes it hard for moms and dads to spend quality time with their children, with each other, or with their friends and communities.

If we can’t turn back time, and maybe even prefer some of the myriad conveniences of modern day life, how do we go about building that village that we still so desperately need in order to do better for ourselves, our partners, and our kids? That village is still as necessary now as it was a century ago. Having a “village” around us promotes a sense of wellbeing because it helps us establish a sense of trust, safety, and belonging. That sense of wellbeing may help mitigate many of the anxieties that get magnified when making tough parenting and life decisions.

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4 ways to begin creating your village of support:

1. Build by offering more than you ask for.  Have you ever considered bartering? NPR did a great couple of broadcasts on modern day bartering in 2025. The main takeaways are that you can create a community of people you barter with by thinking creatively about what goods or services you have to offer that would be of value to others in exchange for goods and services that you value from them. When you ask for something, make the effort to offer something in return that one ups what you are taking. Over time, you build good will and strengthen a relationship that you can lean on in your times of need. You’re playing the long game here, and it’s a good investment of your time and energy.

   
   

2. Reconnect with your passions.  This may be easier for some than others because life gets in the way of pursuing passions that once helped us feel like we were part of something important. But difficult is not impossible. If being of service is a prominent part of your value system, find ways to volunteer at a local library, animal shelter, or food pantry. If music has always put a pep in your step, consider joining the community ensemble or choir. The biggest hurdle is often getting yourself out the door. The time commitment, once you're there, may be small. But the impact of those small things done offten can change the course of your life.

   
   

3. Allow yourself to experience what it’s like to be in community.  Many of us resist joining Mom Groups or Facebook communities of like minded people because we are afraid of judgment. We think that no one else could possibly understand our predicament or are afraid of judgment. Is it possible that others there are also afraid, just like you? One boon of modern day technology is the ease with which we can find groups of people who have similar experiences. While they may not be able to step in and fix your problems, having the emotional support of others who “get it” can put the wind back in your sails as you figure out the solutions that are right for you.

   
   

4. Evaluate where you invest your money.  Not all of us have the financial means to hire a night nurse or a doula in those early days right after our infant is born. Still, I encourage you to take a long hard look at how your family is budgeting its money. What expenses are you prioritizing? Consider whether investing some of your disposable income in reliable childcare services (e.g., mother’s helper, nanny, etc.) or household management services (e.g. tiffin services, cleaning services, etc.) may help you better cope with parenting stressors.

Creating a community aids in expanding a family’s social connectedness. While it is appropriate for children to spend a lot of time with their parents to foster a strong bond, it is also important that children and parents have friends in their lives who foster a sense of belonging and help them feel cared for. American psychologist, Emmy Werner, conducted a longitudinal study in which she found that children who formed bonds with caring and trusting adults who were not their parents grew up to be more resilient than those who did not form these kinds of connections. Both children and parents benefit from having others they can model. Potential models include teachers, mentors, coaches, family friends, and grandparents.  These kinds of connections are helpful for parents as well, as this support from others reduces parenting stress.

According to the National Institute of Health, communities that foster strong and informal networks are associated with lower rates of child maltreatment in comparison to communities that lack social organization and display low levels of social connectedness. While the ways in which support is offered may vary depending on culture, family values, and the availability of educational, economic, and welfare resources, families must find support from others who share a common purpose. By doing so, communities provide an excellent model of love, guidance, care, and support for everyone in them.